What Not To Say

When you have a baby before a lot of your friends, they say things without really knowing anything from experience. I let these things kind of go in one ear and out the other because I realize someday if they have a baby they'll understand. I wanted to write them down so that I'll remember (someday when I don't have a new baby) the things NOT to say to someone with a newborn.

So here's a list of the top 5 things girls have said to me that I hope to never hear again or say:

1. "I don't know why everyone doesn't breastfeed, it's so much easier than bottle feeding"

I can see why people say this. Its cheaper and the food is attached to you. What they haven't experienced is something called "feeding on demand", cluster feeding, and growth spurts. When you're formula feeding the baby's digestive system takes twice as long to digest the milk so they stay full twice as long. This means you only feed 5-6 times per day for 20 minutes or less. Breast feeding is nearly an hourly event and the baby can stay latched for hours if they're cluster feeding. It also makes it hard to have visitors because you never know when she'll be hungry and it's awkward to say "I'll be back in 40 minutes, you entertain yourself in here" while you leave the room to feed. Bottle feeders can feed anywhere in front of anyone. Their husbands can also help with nighttime feeds, where as breastfeeding is a single person job. It's an incredible bonding experience and is enjoyable, but is a sacrifice to do what's best for your baby.

2. "Your husband has to go to work but you get to stay home and sleep"

Yahhhhhh....I can sleep all day! "Sleep when they sleep" is easier said than done. Also, refer to something called "cluster feeding" above.

3. "Newborns seem so easy, she's been sleeping every time I've seen her"

What you didn't see is all the prep work it took before you got here to get her this way for your visit. You coming over means I had to perfectly time her last nap and her feeding so that she would be happy and not hungry and just tired enough to fall asleep while you hold her. I have to make sure though that she hasn't been sleeping for long before you got here or she would wake up hungry.

4. "You had to have a c-section? Were you sad?"

What is that even supposed to mean? What could possibly be "sad" about getting a beautiful baby? Also, what this implies is that having a c-section means I missed out on a more superior means of birthing and I should feel like I missed out. I think anyway a baby comes into the world is a huge blessing, and the way he I or she comes doesn't matter.  When someone tells you their birth story it's extremely personal. Just say congratulations and good job.

5. "You're so brave to take her out in public this soon"

Go ahead and insert whatever word you actually mean instead of "brave" because I know that's not what you're trying to say. You're hinting at the fact that I should have waited longer to take her out. Do what you feel is best when you have a baby and leave me alone.